High Movie Review #009: Casablanca

You know how some books get called the “Great American Novel” by literary experts, fans, and critics? And how it’s like it’s a great novel written by an American, but it’s also a novel that encapsulates a certain “American” spirit. It explores the American soul, so to speak. And it’s books like To Kill a Mockingbird or The Grapes of Wrath. Great choices. Well, Casablanca is like that, but in film. The “Great American Film,” encapsulating a spirit, authentic, imagined, or a bit of both, of America. And there are other films like that, like Citizen Kane.

Rick Blaine is a strong, captivating character. He’s neutral [like America at the start of WWII], he’s a drinking businessman. He owns a bar with gambling and music, everyone wants to talk to him, he’s cynical and witty. This film has some of the best-written dialogue in American cinema. Rick’s dry sarcasm makes him such an enjoyable character.

Rick’s is a bustling place with shady dealings and people from all corners of Europe. And it’s in Casablanca, which is like a jumping off point to Lisbon, which is another jumping off point, for refugees. And there’s a murder, so the authorities are looking for suspects. They arrest Peter Lorre at Rick’s bar. Peter Lorre plays a slimy character super well in this movie. Just like the caricature of him in Hair-Raising Hare, that Bugs Bunny cartoon with the big red monster.

The flashback scene where Rick is remembering his great times with Ilsa, it starts off a bit cheesy in my opinion. Not horrible, but them driving a car together, it’s a little hokey. But when it’s them sitting and drinking and talking, that was better. It’s a montage type thing, and it shows the Nazi invasion of Paris. It shows their love together and their life, but I feel like it could have been structured just a bit better. But once it gets to their longer scenes together it works better. Pretty minor, personal complaint. Rick plans their escape, but instead of meeting Rick at the station, Ilsa vanishes, leaving only a short note, so Rick has to leave without her. Pretty heartbreaking, and that’s why Rick is so cynical and bitter now.

Anyway, Rick is miserable, drinking alone in the bar and Ilsa comes back looking for help, so they have a one-on-one confrontation. And Rick’s like “Fuck off! You left me for Laszlo, so fuck you,” and she leaves. So Laszlo talks to the authorities and they tell him that he is not allowed to leave Casablanca, unless he gives them the names of the people working underground in Paris to resist Nazi occupation. Laszlo says he won’t do it, and even if they kill him and everyone else, more will rise up against the Nazi’s, you know, kinda saying that the people won’t ever stand this horrible regime without resisting. And the Nazi is like “maybe people will replace people, but no one can replace you, Laszlo.” [hmm.. some foreshadowing maybe??]

And there’s some other aspects to the plot I won’t go too much into. There’s this fat business man who is.. eh, an okay character.

Then there’s this Bulgarian girl who comes to talk to Rick to ask for some advice/help about getting to America and stuff, and she’s like “Hypothetically, say that a woman [Ilsa] loved you [Rick] very much, and she [Ilsa] did a bad thing [leaving you at the train station and also being married to some guy named Laszlo], would you forgive her?” The Bulgarian girl is talking about herself but the same situation obviously applies to Rick. It’s a bit on-the-nose, but I guess that people from all over can have very similar experiences with romance. So it’s actually not far-fetched that her situation could apply to Rick’s.

Like, if there was a movie about me, and I’m some failing, miserable writer, and some Bulgarian girl is asking me for advice, and she’s like “Let’s say you loved someone so much, and would do anything for them, but in the end they did not love you? And let’s say you were so devastated that even who you were before, carefree and wide-eyed, is gone and you can’t get your old self back, what would you do?” And I’d be like “I don’t know, Bulgarian girl, maybe you should stay in Bulgaria,” but the audience would know that that applies to me as well. But then Rick helps the Bulgarian girl’s husband get enough money to flee to America, and I’d like to think I would too.

Anyway, there’s these letters of transit that Rick secretly has, [that Peter Lorre gave to him], and it looms over the entire movie. It adds a lot of suspense. The characters are invested in what he’s going to do with them, and the audience grows more interested as the movie progresses.

Laszlo wants them, offering hundreds of thousands of francs, but Rick tells him to fuck off. It’s an intense and short conversation, because Rick knows what Laszlo doesn’t. What follows is this battle of music between the Germans and the French in the bar. They both try to drown each other out, but everyone joins in with the French music cause fuck the Germans. But then the German authorities get pissed and tell Claude Rains to close the bar, so he does. But there’s this funny scene where Claude Rains is like “This place is being closed because there’s gambling!” and then some guy comes up to him and gives him money, saying “your winnings, sir.” Hilarious.

Ilsa threatens to kill Rick for the letters, but he calls her bluff and they kiss. And Ilsa tells him the whole truth about how she thought was Laszlo was dead when she met Rick, and Rick’s bitterness starts to crack as he understands her point of view.

Laszlo and Rick have another interesting conversation while Ilsa sneaks home. Probably my favorite scene, as Laszlo tries to dissect Rick, and vice versa. Rick questions Laszlo, about whether this fighting is really worth it. Laszlo claims that is the same as breaething. If we don’t breathe, we die, if we don’t fight [the Nazi’s], the world dies. [Obviously this is the message of the movie, and one that the movie hopes to spread in America] Rick says he doesn’t give a fuck about the world dying, and Laszlo cuts Rick open, saying that he sounds like a man trying to convince himself to believe that. This is applicable even now. People who are bitter and defeated [doomers] will say “I don’t care if the world ends, what does it matter?” And the Laszlo types will say “Bullshit! You are human, you must care.”

The ending of this movie is very exciting. People are double-crossing, people are lying. Rick tricks Claude Rains, then Claude Rains tricks him back, then Rick lies about stuff. It’s suspenseful and it’s done quite well. Passion and love and sorrow and huge decisions made quickly by these characters. And Rick finishes his wide arc and becomes a hero of sorts. He realizes the world is more important than his love for Ilsa. And the last line is absolutely classic. I love it.

As a film it’s basically perfect. The plot, the dialogue, the casting, the performances, it’s all pretty much perfect. There aren’t any real “flaws.” I can nitpick here and there about a couple things I personally don’t love, but even those aren’t really flaws. It is simply one of the most classic American films.

I mean, it does romanticize World War II. Literally, as it is a romance movie in many respects. And that’s all right, romance definitely happened during World War II, as it happens during any time period. But, you know, it kind of also presents an idea that huge implications of the war rested upon the conclusion of a certain love triangle, and.. ehh.. a bit melodramatic. But that’s not really the point! It’s more about the character of humanity during this time, and putting aside your personal stuff for the “cause” of defeating Nazism. Now if only there was a global threat today that we all needed to rise up against.. Hmm.. can’t think of anything.

Great movie. I’m glad that I’ve been able to see it. One of the best.

High Movie Review #008: Peter Pan

This is one of the most nostalgic movies of my life. It’s one of the most nostalgic movies of a lot of people’s lives. By the nature of its subject, the never-ending childhood, it is a nostalgic movie. It produces nostalgia.

As a kid, it’s a super fun movie! With pirates and adventure! But as an adult we look back at it and think, “Yeah, childhood was the best, I wish I could be a child again. It was the best and it’ll never be like that again. But it can be close to it for 77 minutes while we watch this.” I remember watching it, my dad would rent VHS tapes from Blockbuster and then use his VCR to copy the movie to a blank 8mm tape. Voila! We have the movie now! Ye olde retro technologie.

Oh, and the concept of Wendy stealing Peter Pan’s shadow is so interesting. It’s so weird. How did she do it? Like to imagine a shadow as its own being and its own movement is such a weird concept. I would never think of it. And then Link [in Zelda II: The Adventure of Link] has to fight his own shadow as well. Plus they dress the same. And Link [in Ocarina of Time] also has a tiny fairy friend.

ANYWAY, Peter and Wendy have an interesting relationship. It’s kind of a quaint, boy meets girl thing and it’s like your first crush. It’s cute. And Wendy wants to give him a kiss and he’s like “what the fuck is that?” It’s not so much like “perfect romance, love at first sight, happily ever after,” thing from the earlier Disney movies.

John is like the kid who’s trying to act all grown up. “I’m John. How do you do?” he says pretentiously. Some kids loved to act like they were mature for some reason. Not sure why they thought that maturity was the coolest quality to have. John’s like that. There’s a couple lines I like where John is being all fake mature like “I’d like to cross swords with some real buccaneers!” and Michael’s like “Yeah! And fight pirates, too!” It’s funny, Michael doesn’t know what the fuck a buccaneer is. And saying “fight pirates” gets the message across. Stop trying to act all smart and mature, John. Not a big fan of John, to be honest.

Tinkerbell’s kind of a bitch. She’s like “Oh, Wendy’s getting some of the attention, better kill her!” Kind of an overreaction, I’d say. She doesn’t kill her, but she flies super fast and tells the lost boys to shoot her down. Kinda fucked.

I love Mr. Smee, he’s so fucking funny. He’s like this jolly, cheerful pirate and they’re all acting like the stereotypical angry, rum-drinking, tough guy pirates. But he shows up and says “Good morning shipmates!” And he gets bullied for being positive! Classic. “Why are you trying to make people happier?! Fuck you!!” That’s what those pirates are saying, essentially.

The way the movie portrays Indigenous people of the Americas is very bad. Very stereotypical, very caricature-ish. I’m not gonna defend it. It’s not good. I’m not a sociologist or whatever, but maybe if you’re gonna show this movie to your kids, you can explain what stereotypes are and how they work and stuff.

But back to the plot. So Captain Hook and Peter Pan are eternally at odds with each other, and Hook seeks to kidnap Tiger Lily and coerce her into telling him where Peter Pan’s hideout is. So he does that, but then she’s saved by Peter and Captain Hook runs away from the crocodile who swallowed a clock. That sounds like something made up by Alex Jones. “The freaking demon masters are feeding clocks to the crocodiles!! They’re mind control clocks, people!!”

Oh yeah, and the mermaids also get jealous of Wendy and try to kill her. Man, Neverland seems to foster jealous and murderous girls. Except Tiger Lily, she’s chill. But then Wendy gets really jealous of her, but at least she doesn’t try to kill her.

Wendy says some nice words about mothers. It’s actually very sweet and she sings a song too. It’s kind of strange, this important theme about mothers in a movie where the actual mother is hardly in it at all. It’s kind of like that thing where parents treat their eldest daughter as the third parent. The Darlings definitely do that with Wendy. They expect Wendy to raise their other kids while the parents go out and do rich people bullshit. They even expect the DOG to be another parent. Shitty parents. The dad kinda reminds me of the dad from Mary Poppins. They’re both rich and neglectful fathers named George who live in Edwardian London. But the key difference is that one has kids named John and Michael, while the other has kids named Jane and Michael. Totally different characters, those George’s.

Anyway, Hook captures Tinkerbell and tricks her into showing him Peter’s secret hideout. The pirates kidnap Wendy and the lost boys and give a time bomb to Peter. Looking pretty grim, I hope Peter doesn’t die in an explosion! Luckily Tinkerbell gets out just in time and saves Peter but almost dies. It’s a pretty sad moment as Peter is searching for her. It shows how strong the bond is between two characters even though they had kind of a falling out earlier. They still love each other. I know I said earlier that she’s a bitch, but she redeemed herself here.

There’s a cool showdown between Peter and Captain Hook. There’s dueling and sword fighting and.. swashbuckling? Was there swashbuckling happening? Was there some swash being buckled?

Peter wins and Hook swims away, pursued by the clock-eating crocodile. A clock-odile, if you will. And they fly back to London and it’s all very magical.

Peter Pan is such a cool character, but more so he’s an awesome concept for a character. An adventurous kid who never grows up. I feel like there could be a whole bunch of Peter Pan-type characters. A never-aging kid having adventures in Manhattan. A never-aging kid exploring jungles and rivers. A never-aging kid stowing away on trains, traveling the world. Maybe there are a bunch of never-aging kids in literature and I just never found out about them.

Peter Pan is a good movie.

High Movie Review #007: Alice in Wonderland

Okay, now THIS is a movie to watch while high. It’s part of the whole psychedelic, stoner, drug culture thing. The colors, the whimsical nature of it, the weird fanciful story, it all adds to the weed/psychedelic drug culture. But that hippie/hipster/druggie thing didn’t really seem to be the mainstream until the second half of the 1960s, but this movie came out in 1951. The early 50s were marked by extreme conformity. Men worked and women cooked, men wore suits and hats, women wore dresses, men had short hair, everyone was pro-U.S. and anti-communist, everyone lived in rows of houses that looked exactly alike. Deviation from the norm was highly suspect. So this movie is kind of ahead of its time, I would say. You’d think it would have been released in 1968. I get that it’s still a cartoon “kids” movie, but if there’s any Disney movie that’s a stoner movie, it’s this.

Anyway, Alice starts off by wishing that she could live in a world of nonsense, where there’s no rhyme or reason or logic at all. Then she immediately regrets it. She wanted a world without reason, then she’s mad like “Why is this talking doorknob not using logic? Why is he making no sense? Why is this smoking bird telling me to get dry by running around in the water? Why does no one make sense?” Girl, you asked for this. 

There’s so many characters in this movie, and, even with small screentime, they make strong impressions. Like the Mad Hatter is not in the movie for the entire movie. He’s not in it all that much, but we really know the Mad Hatter, he’s a full side character, and this movie is full of full side characters. The Mad Hatter, the Cheshire Cat, the March Hare, the Walrus and the Carpenter, the Caterpillar, and the Queen of Hearts are all great full side characters.

I like the Walrus and the Carpenter the best. I used to love reciting his rhyming song/poem/dialogue. To talk of other things, like shoes and ships and sealing wax [I thought it was ceiling wax as a kid], cabbages and kings! I love that. Makes no sense, but it’s fun to say!

The voice of the White Rabbit is so funny to me. He’s perfectly frantic. And the way he calls Alice “Marianne!” [or Mary Anne?] adds a certain flavor to the nonsense that I like. Having someone think you’re someone else, and refusing to change their mind, is distressing and weird. Honestly, all of the voice acting is amazing. The Mad Hatter is perfect, the Cheshire Cat is perfect, the Walrus is perfect, the Queen of Hearts is perfect. I think it’s interesting that the voice of the Queen of Hearts is the same person as the voice of the Fairy Godmother. She’s so soft as the Fairy Godmother but in this movie she screams!

I like the dark aspects of this movie because they’re not as “in-your-face” as other Disney movies. With this movie it’s like it’s dark when you think about it a bit. Like the Walrus and the Carpenter scene portrays the oysters as like little kids, but then they just get devoured. Pretty dark, but it’s not presented in a dark way. It’s whimsical! Also they blast this lizard way up in the sky to his doom. And the bird just dismisses it like “There goes Bill..” And then there’s the Queen ordering executions by decapitation for trivial things.

I hate those flowers though, they’re assholes to Alice, making fun of her. Fuck them, especially that one flower that has glasses, she’s the worst. But the scene is still beautiful. Giving the flowers faces and personalities and musicality was done perfectly. And the song is lovely. The Caterpillar is kind of a dick too, screaming in Alice’s face. 

There’s never a dull moment in this movie. The Mad Hatter scene has the most chaotic energy of the whole movie. There’s so much going on, so much being said, so much being done, and so much to look at. It’s awesome!

I think this is one of the best Disney animated movies of all time. It’s the most fun. Get high and watch it!

10 Films to See Before You Face the Cold Void of Death and Cease to Exist and Everyone Forgets You [Part 2]

5. 2001: A Space Odyssey

2001: A Space Odyssey is a film that speaks to you like you’re a human being instead of speaking to you like you’re a customer. It’s more thought-provoking than entertaining, though I would say that it is still entertaining, in its own way. 

The film spans hundreds of millennia, from the dawn of man to the 21st century A.D. It explores ideas like existentialism, evolution, artificial intelligence, and extraterrestrial life. It is a true science fiction movie. It is the magnum opus of Stanley Kubrick, a director known for his incredible visual sense. It’s beautiful and mysterious. 

I’m reminded of a television show called It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. The show is about some assholes who own a bar. They decide to make an action movie together. One of the assholes, Mac, keeps overly explaining the plot while he’s acting, just to make absolutely sure that the audience knows exactly what’s going on at every moment. 2001: A Space Odyssey is like the opposite of that. It doesn’t explain much of anything, and there are different interpretations, different types of analysis. 

4. Shrek

Shrek is the internet’s favorite movie. And we live in the age of the internet. There is no escaping that fact. We live in the Internet Age, just as people lived in the Renaissance or the Age of Enlightenment. The internet is its own universe, unfathomable in size, it keeps expanding, it cannot be stopped or controlled. The internet has been unleashed upon humanity, and there’s no going back.

The memes, the edited versions on youtube, the memorable quotes, and of course, the movie’s connection to the internet’s favorite song, All Star by Smash Mouth. All of this makes Shrek a must-see movie. 

It’s the story of an ogre who has a Scottish accent for some reason. This movie basically says, “Hey, you know all those old fairy tales? Fuck em!” 

It’s so funny, the soundtrack is hilarious, and it actually has a decent message about loving yourself for who you are and not judging others by their appearance. YET, Shrek and Donkey are constantly mocking Lord Farquaad for his height. But he’s an asshole, so he kind of deserves it. That’s an interesting thing that happens. Most decent people would agree that making fun of someone’s appearance is mean and you shouldn’t do it. When someone’s an asshole, or even a straight up bigot sometimes, making fun of their appearance becomes commonplace, even from people who would otherwise decry such superficial attacks. And then you try to point this out to the person and they’re like “He’s racist! He deserves to be made fun of! He deserves to be called a fat lard! Why are you defending a racist?”

And I’m like, “I’m not defending the guy, he should be definitely made fun of. I’m just saying that making fun of a racist person for being fat is not only making fun of that person, but also fatness in general.”

Whatever, maybe I’m wrong. Kind of a weird situation, the morality of which I don’t fully understand. The point is: watch Shrek.

3. Star Wars

Star Wars is about the Death Star. The Death Star is a new, advanced, colossal battle station in space which was constructed by the Empire in secret. [Hence why Han Solo, a seasoned and knowledgeable space traveler, who has “flown from one side of this galaxy to the other,” is shocked by its existence] The Death Star is, by far, the most powerful weapon in history. The Empire uses it to completely destroy the planet of Alderaan, which has a mostly civilian population.

Now, WHY does the Empire do this? It’s true that they are in a conflict with a loose band of rebels, and Princess Leia, the de facto leader of the rebels, is from Alderaan. So sometimes you have to kill people when you’re in a war. But that’s not really why they build the Death Star, and it’s not why they use it. 

The Empire builds the Death Star and uses it on Alderaan to show how powerful and ruthless the Empire is. Their intention is to put fear into the minds of every person from every other planet that, if you piss off the Empire, we can and will wipe you out. So you better act how we want you to act. You better act according to our interests, or we’ll use the most powerful weapon in history against you. 

In the council meeting scene, one guy asks Grand Moff Tarkin how the Emperor will be able to dispose of the Imperial Senate, he says: “Fear will keep the local systems in line. Fear of this battle station.” 

And later in the movie, after Leia gives him the name of a phony rebel base, Tarkin says, ehh, we’ll still use the Death Star on Alderaan, cause ‘Dantooine is too remote to make an effective demonstration.” They use it not as a strategic move against the Rebellion’s forces, but to demonstrate the Empire’s complete power and dominance. If they had used it on Dantooine, a far-off planet that no one cares about, presumably, then it wouldn’t put as much fear into the hearts of the people from other systems in the galaxy. 

It’s pretty evil to commit such a huge atrocity in order to demonstrate your power so you can pressure everyone to capitulate to your interests. 

Plus, it’s the movie that is most responsible for popularizing nerd/geek culture into mainstream consciousness. It’s one of the most popular movies of all time, and if you haven’t seen it, I think you should try to watch it with a clear, open mind [even though I just spoiled some of it, hehe].

2. Citizen Kane

Hmm, let’s see, I’m just some guy talking about movies, let’s check out the experts. In 1998, the American Film Institute voted Citizen Kane as the #1 movie ever. Then they did another list in 2007, hmm.. Citizen Kane on top again. 

What about the British Film Institute? 2012, Citizen Kane #2. 2002, Citizen Kane #1, 1992 Citizen Kane #1, 82 Kane 1, 72 Kane 1, 62 Kane 1.

Okay, we get it. If there’s any American movie that dominates lists like these, it is Citizen Kane, released in 1941. Starring Orson Welles,  directed by Orson Welles, produced by Orson Welles, and co-written by Orson Welles. It was his movie. He was given almost complete control on his first movie. That has never happened before or since.

It’s about a character named Charles Foster Kane, who is very obviously based on the real person William Randolph Hearst. Hearst was a capitalist, one of the wealthiest men in American history, and famous for his use of yellow journalism. He’d use his newspapers to lie, sensationalize, exaggerate, gossip, and make up stories for profit and other motives, including provoking the Spanish-American war.

Anyway, is Citizen Kane any good? Well, that’s for you to decide. I think it’s a masterpiece, but you might not. And that’s okay. If you don’t like Citizen Kane, that does not mean that your opinion on movies is somehow invalid. I know a lot of film elitists will try to make you feel like that, but don’t listen to them. But you should give it a shot. Elitists, in general, are not good for whatever community they’re in. Whether you love comic books, music, film, or whatever, what good is it to demean someone who is newer to the community or just has a different opinion than you? 

But there’s no denying that Citizen Kane is a historic, influential, highly regarded movie. I think you should watch it the same way you should listen to Beethoven’s 9th symphony, or see Michelangelo’s David, or read The Great Gatsby. There are important artistic works of mankind. I love Beethoven’s 9th symphony, I’m impressed by Michelangelo’s David, and I hate The Great Gatsby. And that’s all right. If you think that Citizen Kane is overrated trash, I’ll support you voicing your opinion on that. 

1. The Seventh Seal

What better way to finish this list of ten movies to see before you die than a movie starring Death himself. 

The Seventh Seal is a Swedish film from 1957, directed by Ingmar Bergman. And it is about a knight named Antonius Block, who is on a return journey to his home from the crusades. He meets Death, and challenges him to a game of chess. Death accepts this challenge, and the game is played throughout the journey. As long as Antonius stays alive in the game, he stays alive, but if Death wins, Antonius will die. Antonius Block, tormented by the question of faith, is accompanied by his squire Jons, who has become a cynical, nonbeliever after their years fighting in the crusades. 

Here’s another interesting thing: the movie is set during the PLAGUE!! The. Plague. Of the Bubonic variety. Kinda relevant to our current world, wouldn’t you say?

Anyway, they travel through towns and meet several people, including a couple of actors, a blacksmith, and a young girl set to be executed for “bringing on the plague,” by her alleged association with the devil. A lot of religious fervor and irrational behavior surrounding a pandemic…

But the movie is not only relevant to our current time, it’s relevant to all human beings throughout history. Death is something we all must face, in the end, and people’s reactions to it are quite different. Antonius asks questions throughout the film, desperate to find meaning, frustrated by God’s silence. He views faith as a torment, a question that can never be answered. He never stops questioning things, but he never gets any answers. That’s how I feel.

Jons, on the other hand, has asked himself the same question, “Does God exist?” and has answered it: No. He does not waver in this answer. It is as final as Death itself. He sees life as a triumph over death, to feel alive as much as you can while you can. Antonius feels a bit of this as well, considering his hand closely, marvelling at his feeling of being alive, being able to move his hand how he wishes. He is alive, and that is good.

The actors, to no surprise, take a more whimsical approach. They don’t really think about these questions at all. The simple fact is that they’re alive, and the obvious thing to do is to have fun, to sing songs, to act, to juggle, to eat strawberries. 

Many of the villagers are staunch believers in God, believing that God has sent the plague as punishments, and they must repent before their deaths.

We have an atheist, agnostics, people who are secure in their faith, and a man who is tormented by his wavering faith in God. These characters are who we all are. And who are you?

10 Films to See Before You Face the Cold Void of Death and Cease to Exist and Everyone Forgets You [Part 1]

You will die one day. There’s going to be a day when you die. I’m going to die as well. I don’t want to. I’m scared of that. It sounds horrible. I don’t want to do that!!

There are only a limited amount of movies you will see before your fateful day, the day you meet Death face to face. Are you prepared for that?

These are ten movies I think you should see before that day. 

Not necessarily the “best” or my “favorite,” just movies I think are important to see and experience, for various reasons.

10. Wall-E

Yes, I’m going to use this time to talk about the environment. Wall-E is a film which has an environmental message, but when you think about the movie in relation to Disney, the studio which released it, it’s kind of a strange experience. The film portrays a future Earth which is covered in trash. Old toys, plastic packaging, plastic DVD cases, cigarette lighters, Pez dispensers, whatever. Just a bunch of crap. Yet Disney itself is the producer and seller of a lot of this type of crap. Mickey Mouse hats, plastic toys, plastic figurines, plastic packaging, DVD cases, Pez dispensers, Disney loves to make money off this stuff, they love consumers and consumerism, they love building up the plastic wasteland that is shown in the film. 

Wall-E also negatively portrays the mindless zombie aspect of consuming media. It shows people watching TV at all times. Yet, that’s what Disney wants you to do. Disney Plus, Disney Plus, Disney Plus! We know you want it. And maybe you don’t like The Little Mermaid or Cinderella, but I bet you like Star Wars, which we own. Or Marvel, which we own. And if you don’t like any of that, odds are you probably enjoy ESPN, we own that too. And there’s ESPN+ to stream sports 24/7. Maybe you don’t want a Disney-owned streaming service at all, so you get Hulu. [We own that too]. ABC, Disney Channel, FX, National Geographic Channel.

So buy our stuff, watch our shows, stream our movies, consume media. Become the mindless zombie we want you to be. 

So it’s a bit hypocritical for Disney to be spreading these messages, but I think the messages delivered in Wall-E are still good messages. That is difficult for many people to accept. But I believe you can watch Wall-E, and you should, and absorb the environmental message and become inspired to stop buying useless plastic crap, and ALSO decry Disney, and other huge corporations [Coca-Cola, Pepsi, Nestle, Mars, Danone] from manufacturing so much plastic crap. 

Now, I own some of this crap myself. I own a Mickey Mouse Pez dispenser. I own a few Disney Blu-rays. I also own a novelty dancing Groot figure. So this would indicate that I am guilty of that same hypocrisy [even though most of these were gifts]. I’m a hypocrite too.

But, here’s what I can do. I can become less of a hypocrite over time. Maybe I can stop buying so much plastic. Maybe I can use my car less and less, if I can. Maybe I can use the air conditioning less and less. Then I’ll become more consistent with what I’m preaching. 

But hypocrisy with the environment is maybe not such a bad thing. If your aim is simply to be not a hypocrite, it’s way easier to be a non-hypocrite who is really bad for the environment, than it is to be a non-hypocrite who is really good for the environment.

Our society is designed to have you make environmentally poor decisions. Hopefully that will change in the future, but it’s still good to get better over time.

OH YEAH, the MOVIE!!! It is beautiful. It has some of the best visual storytelling in any movie ever. The story with Wall-E and Eve is very cute. There is one thing that is so strange about this movie. So the humans make the Earth uninhabitable, so they all live on this self-sustaining spaceship flying through space. The captain of the ship has access to video files from the last humans on Earth. And it’s just Fred Willard. It’s not animated, it’s just Fred Willard as a live-action human. This was such a poor decision in my opinion, as it throws off the entire feeling of the movie for those scenes. All the other people were animated, why didn’t they just animate this character? Fucking weird.

9. The Wizard of Oz

Most people that I’ve come into contact with during my time on Earth have already seen The Wizard of Oz, so that’s good. It is a classic, classic, classic movie. It’s just so iconic in the history of cinema. The characters, the costumes, the songs, the story, the memorable lines. Everything is so iconic. It’s hard to even think of another word to describe it. Iconic. Wait hold on..

*types “iconic” into thesaurus.com*

Emblematic! Is that right? No. Paradigmatic? What the hell even is that? Quintessential, that’s right. This is a quintessential piece of American cinematic history. Quintessential!! Meaning: “perfectly typical or representative of a particular kind of person or thing” Uhhh.. is that right either? *sigh* I don’t know what words mean.

Of course The Wizard of Oz transitions from black and white, in Kansas, to color when Dorothy reaches Oz, and when I watched this as a kid, I thought that The Wizard of Oz was the first movie to have color, which was, unfortunately, wrong.

But it’d be cool if it was the first! Imagine being alive in 1939 and every movie that’s ever existed has been in black and white. So you go to see The Wizard of Oz and it’s in black and white because of course it is, that’s how movies are. And then like twenty minutes into the movie, Dorothy opens the door and it’s like a mind-blowing amount of color, the yellow brick road, Munchkinland, that would be an amazing experience.

It still is an awesome transition in the movie, but in my fantasy world in my own head, it’s better. And it’s a fantasy movie! So in my fantasy, this is the world’s first color movie, so that’s the reality I’ve constructed for myself.  

8. Metropolis 

This is a silent movie. I know, most people don’t want to watch silent movies, but if you’re gonna watch one silent movie, this is the one. It was released in 1927 but set in the future, the year 2026, which is not too far in the future now.

It’s about class conflict, wealth inequality, the plight of workers, automation, and artificial intelligence. Wow, those are some important themes which are still relevant to this very day. I already wrote a longer piece about why you should watch this movie, so why don’t you go check it out?

The interesting thing about foreign silent movies is that there isn’t any real indication that it’s foreign. The only words we see are on the title cards, so once those are translated, it’s basically like the film is in English. 

Here’s another interesting thing about silent films: movies were around for a couple decades before they had sound. They were called “movies,” because the pictures moved. It sounds like something a kindergartener would have come up with. Picture move… Movie… Once sound movies came along, they were called “talkies,” because the characters talked. “Talkies” sounds like an ancient term, but we could have just as easily kept using the term through our current day. As the world transitioned from silent films to sound films, the new term, talkie, could have persisted. Almost all films nowadays are talkies, but no one calls them that. Funny thing, language.

7. Eraserhead 

If you decide to watch all these talkies that I’m recommending to watch before you perish, then Eraserhead is probably the one you’re one that you’re most likely to not like. You’re least likely to like this one. You’re most likely to dislike this one. I’m such a shitty writer.

Anyway, that’s okay, you don’t have to like every talkie, but I still recommend this one, and you may like it anyway. 

Eraserhead is a 1977 film directed by David Lynch. It’s strange. It’s weird. *scours thesaurus.com again* it’s bizarre. It’s odd. It’s.. funky! 

I don’t want to say too much about it because I think it’s best to just watch it. Just jump in and experience it. 

I know I’m not really giving much to convince you to see it, but, like I said, I don’t want to say too much about it to mess with your expectations. But it’s a strange movie, and you seem like a strange person. So go watch it.

6. Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Monty Python and the Holy Grail, also known as that talkie that those annoying white nerds keep quoting. One of those annoying white nerds was me! Like The Princess Bride, Anchorman, and many others, this is a comedy talkie that gets quoted A LOT. In my opinion, which is humble of course, this is the best of the bunch. Coming from the minds of the LEGENDARY comedy group Monty Python, this is their masterpiece. 

It is a modern parody of old English legends such as King Arthur, the Knights of the Round Table, Excalibur, and of course the quest for the Holy Grail. It pokes fun at the absurd romanticized myth of the Middle Ages. The talkie shows filth, brutal violence, plague, and death. It is brilliant in its silliness and silly in its brilliance. It is one of the funniest films of all time, and the pace of the laughs is so fast. Definitely check this one out before you perish. 

BRING OUT YOUR DEAD!

High Movie Review #006: Cinderella

Cinderelly, Cinderelly, something something Cinderelly. That song really gets stuck in my head, and now, perhaps it might be stuck in yours. The power of words at work.

So Cinderella’s parents are dead. Because of that, she lives with her stepmother, an absolute BITCH named Lady Tremaine and her two daughters who are annoying as fuck. They treat Cinderella like shit.

They have a cat named Lucifer. What the fuck?! Who names their pet Lucifer?? Kind of a bad guy, if I recall correctly. Then Cinderella meets these mice and names one of them Octavius, and then calls him “Gus” throughout the movie. Why is Gus a nickname for Octavius?? It’s not even close!! Wait, it’s because of Caesar Augustus?!? Because he changed his name from Octavius to AuGUStus!! That’s what it comes from?! That’s stupid. And what’s the deal with the Prince not having a name at all? In both Snow White and Cinderella, it’s just “the Prince,” but why? Why don’t they have names? Perhaps a name would ruin their perfection. They are perfect, handsome, charming princes, and to give them a name would be a blemish. There is no perfect name, but there is a perfect, archetypal “Prince.” Speaking of names and princes, there was a real guy named Prince! And there was an interesting time when he changed his name to a symbol, I think it was a contract dispute thing.

ANYWAY, Cinderella has to work all the time, and she gets treated poorly by Tremaine, but she still has hope, singing songs and wishing for a better life. “A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes” is a beautiful song which sets the tone for Cinderella’s character and the tone of the movie in general. It’s kind of like “I’m Wishing” from Snow White, but better.

So the Prince is handsome and rich and charming and irresistible, BUT he’s not married, he’s not even interested in any girls. This makes his dad angry! He’s upset that his son is not providing grandchildren. It’s honestly so weird when parents do this, pressuring their kids to have kids. So entitled to have grandchildren. “I’d like to see my grandchildren before I die,” they say. What? Fuck you. I’ll have kids when I want or not at all. I don’t owe you a grandchild.

 So the king organizes a ball in the hopes that the Prince will meet someone, fall in love, and get married. Of course, Lady Tremaine wants one of her bitchy daughters to marry the Prince, and then they tear up Cinderella’s dress to prevent her from going to the ball! That’s so fucked up! Honestly, this movie will make you want to kill those step sisters. 

Luckily the Fairy Godmother shows up just at the perfect moment! Where was she this whole time Cinderella was being so mistreated?! Okay, it’s just a fairytale, who cares.

The king and his monocle-wearing assistant do some slapstick-type humor, falling over each other and stuff and it kinda throws off the magical mood. I get that it’s “comic relief,” but it just feels so out of place. The comic relief earlier, with Lucifer and Gus and whatever, that’s fine, it fits, but the ball scene is supposed to be this perfect, romantic, idealized thing and then you have a guy falling on his fat ass. It just kinda throws everything off. But those shenanigans end, and the Prince and Cinderella dance. It’s, you know, a love-at-first-sight, magical, romantic, happily-ever-after moment. But the clock strikes midnight and Cinderella has to flee because the fairy godmother’s spell only lasts until then for some reason.

So the monocle guy tells the king that Cinderella got away, which pisses off the king. And the king is trying to kill the monocle guy and then the monocle guy is like “No wait! Remember, your blood pressure!” Even as a kid, I thought that was a funny line. It just seems so modern or something. Like, were they concerned about King William IV’s blood pressure? Then they fall from the chandelier and there’s this Goofy-sounding scream. Like it sounds like Goofy, the character. Super weird. Watch this movie again and listen for  that scene. It’s literally Goofy.

But they have the glass slipper, so they’re gonna try to see who it fits, then the Prince will find the girl and marry her. But Lady Tremaine figures it all out and locks Cinderella up. What an absolute petty, jealous asshole! Then there’s this cool little battle scene between the animals and Lucifer. It’s like a little showdown to get the key to Cinderella. Lucifer wins but then Bruno comes in and kicks Lucifer’s ass. The slipper breaks but Cinderella reveals that she has the other slipper somehow. She tries it on, it fits, and she and the Prince get married and live happily ever after.

Overall, the movie’s fine. It’s a classic, and it doesn’t have any huge flaws or anything, but it’s definitely not for everyone. It’s just very.. Disney-like. The princess who speaks to animals, the mean stepmother, the charming prince, the happily ever after, it’s like the Disney fairy tale of all Disney fairy tales. It’s one of the most romantic Disney movies, and I just don’t really care too much for romance overall. BUT, if you like that stuff, you’d love this movie. Obviously I’m not the target audience, it’s not like Walt Disney in 1950 was like: “Hey let’s make a movie for a 21st Century, stoner guy in his mid-20’s!”

High Movie Review #005: Bambi

I love deer. I think they are among the most majestic creatures on this effing planet! 

Bambi is about the passing of time, getting older. From the day we are born, moments pass. We struggle to walk, to talk, we learn new words. We meet new people, we make friends, and sometimes those friends find themselves a partner, and you drift apart. Seasons change. Our loved ones die. We grow older. Time passes. We might become more serious and less playful as we get older. That’s all what Bambi does too.

So the movie is famous for being sad. We know that it is one of the saddest animated movies in history, but at the time of its release, it was the only sad animated film. Snow White and Pinocchio had some sad individual scenes, but Bambi is overall a sad movie. And not to be such a fucking downer, but life is sad. Everyone you love, or have loved, will die. There’s someone dying right now. It’s unbearably sad. Everyone talks about the death of Bambi’s mom, and it is really sad. But there’s a scene later which is also tough to watch. There’s these birds hiding from the man, who is approaching. And one of them wants to fly away, but the others warn her not to. She starts panicking, terrified of the imminent threat. She gets so scared so she flies, and gets shot right out of the air. We see it fall dead to the ground.

There’s this owl character that I love, but he’s also weird. Spring comes and there’s birds chirping along, and the owl is like “shut the fuck up! I’m trying to sleep!” He’s a grumpy guy. But then Bambi, Thumper, and Flower show up and the owl goes into this weird explanation about horniness, which he calls “twitterpated.” He’s like, “you’ll just be walking along, minding your own business, then you’ll see a pretty face and you’ll get horny [twitterpated] and you’ll start acting all strange.” I guess that’s true, in a way.

Anyway, Bambi likes this girl, but a mean deer is trying to take her from him, so Bambi fights the mean deer. This scene is really strange to me. The animation changes to this silhouette-looking style which I don’t like. Kind of a minor complaint, and I would say that, other than that, the animation is quite appealing. There are some beautiful scenes of meadows and waterfalls and trees. 

This movie is also about mankind’s relationship with nature. We destroy it. We kill it. We BURN it. And we’re still doing that. Quite sad.

Like Dumbo, this movie suffers from a minimal amount of character development. Bambi just doesn’t say much. He’s more emotive than Dumbo, but I’d still be surprised to hear that anyone’s favorite Disney character is Bambi. In the end, Bambi and the girl deer, after becoming sufficiently twitterpated, bring two new deer into the world. Bambi is now a stoic, watchful protector of the forest. 

The movie is.. okay. The images of the forest and the changing of the seasons look very good, but the film is lacking in substance. It definitely could have used a more well-defined main character, like Pinocchio or Cinderella, characters who were brought to screen around the same time period.

Why You Should Watch Metropolis

I read an article recently, which inspired me to write this “essay.” It’s not really an essay, though. It’s too informal. I don’t follow those BULLSHIT rules that English teachers forced upon us. I write how I want! LIKE A STREAM OF THOUGHTS, as if I was TALKING. HOW’S THAT FOR AN ATTENTION-GETTER?

The article asserted that Jeff Bezos is on pace to become the world’s first trillionaire by 2026. Interesting. So what am I writing about? Well, I’m urging you to watch a silent movie that was made in 1920s Germany. 

The movie is Metropolis. It was directed by Fritz Lang and released in 1927. The movie’s setting is kind of up for interpretation, to some extent, but one release explicitly states that the film takes place in the year 2026. It’s just around the corner, really. 2014 and 2026 are the same amount of time removed from our present moment. And 2014 doesn’t seem that long ago, at least to me, anyway, I’m not sure what your perspective is. 

Metropolis is almost one hundred years old and it takes place in the very-near future. 

But movies are always wrong when they predict the future, right? Like Back to the Future Part II, they said that in 2015 we would have self-lacing shoes, hoverboards, and flying cars, but we didn’t have any of that! Yes, many movies are wrong with their predictions, but most do get a few things right. 

Metropolis portrays the year 2026 as a world in which a select few elites enjoy a life of leisure, luxury, and decadence in beautiful giant buildings, while the masses toil away for long hours in dangerous, grueling jobs just to be able to survive. And the elites enjoy their status because of the work of the many who still live in squalor. There is a clear causality between these two classes. The inequality is painfully obvious. This is why it’s a perfect movie to watch right now. Yes, it’s old. Yes, it’s silent. But it’s just as relevant now as it ever was. 

Today, just a couple dozen individuals own the same amount of wealth as the poorest half of the planet. Billions of people. Global wealth inequality is really bad, and it’s getting worse. 

So yes, a German-made, silent movie from 1927 is relevant to your life. 

Anway, one of these elites has a son named Freder, who inadvertently discovers the horrible, dangerous, impoverished conditions of the workers when a woman named Maria brings some poor children to see Freder’s home. Freder begins to sympathize with the workers, and he recognizes that the workers look to Maria as a beacon of hope, a savior of sorts. Freder, Maria, and some workers have a meeting of sorts and start planning a rebellion of sorts. 

The elites realize that their extremely luxurious position might be the tiniest bit threatened, so they freak the fuck out. They design a robot, a fake Maria, to disrupt the workers’ plans. 

This movie has wealth inequality, class solidarity, artificial intelligence, revolution, and phony class heroes. Phony class heroes? That sounds familiar.. you know, people like Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton, and dare I say Barack Obama?? Yes, I dare say. These are the fake Maria’s of the world. They act like and seem like they are fighting for you and me, the everyday people. They say they’re on our side, on the side of the disenfranchised, but they’re not really. They, and other “liberals,” march on towards more imperialism, more mass incarceration, more surveillance, more love for corporations and less love for the workers of the world. 

So watch Metropolis! Get some class solidarity!

But what I’m trying to say is more relevant to the uber-rich than it is to these “fake Maria’s” [I just wanted to mention that, as it’s another minor correlation between the film and the real world]. In the film, the elites live in luxury while their workers spend almost every moment of their lives working and living in shit conditions. 

A recent report indicates that Bezos’ net worth has risen over $30 billion during the pandemic. Amazon cut hazard pay to its warehouse workers while handing out “Thank you” t-shirts. A “fuck you” followed by a “thank you.” Classic capitalist. Bezos lets workers pee in bottles in his warehouses, he designs bracelets to track his employees’ every movement, he uses heat maps to prevent workers unionizing for better conditions [like a living wage]. There was an Amazon employee video wherein employees were advised to turn in their fellow employees to management if they heard them say “living wage.” Fuck him. 

There’s other evil shit and evil implications of Bezos’ actions and inactions, as well as companies like facebook, google, and others.

So watch Metropolis! Get angry! Get that radicalized, motivating feeling! Watch the movie!

Also, it’s just brilliantly directed, in that German expressionist way. And the visuals are pretty impressive for its time. And won’t you be a more interesting person after you watch it? Like, wow, that guy watched a silent movie, how cerebral! He must have such great focus and appreciation for art and shit. You might start calling movies “films” from now on, since you’re such an intellectual.

Of course, Metropolis does get some things wrong. The film suggests that those on top, the elites, are on top largely because they are the smartest [though of course the film clearly indicates that they retain such a lofty position because of the labor of the workers]. The film’s main phrase,“the mediator between Head and Hands must be the Heart,” is to be interpreted as “the compassion/empathy [heart] of the elites [the head/mind] must bridge the gap to the workers/labor [hand].” The elites are not the smartest, first of all. They’re not the stupidest, either, but Bezos is not 140,000,000,000 times smarter than anyone. Secondly, the elites have had plenty of time to develop compassion and empathy for the workers of the world, but they don’t. They never will. It’s pointless to hope that they will ever develop the “heart” that mediates between themselves and the common man. Fuck them.

So watch Metropolis, gain some class consciousness, and who knows, maybe we’ll fight for a better world? That’d be cool.

High Movie Review #004: Dumbo

Dumbo starts with a bunch of storks bringing down baby animals to a bunch of circus animals. All at once. There’s like a huge army of storks delivering babies to everyone. Imagine growing up and everyone has the same birthday. The insanity!

Anyway, one of the babies is an elephant with big ears. Then these other elephants, like adult female elephants, start making fun of this baby, calling him “Dumbo.” They’re just being complete assholes to a fuckin baby! Pisses me off. At least Dumbo’s mom slams the door in their stupid faces. Dumbo’s mom is pretty cool, not taking their shit.

Dumbo’s cute, but he’s always getting laughed at because of his big ears. Some jerkoff kid even pulls and pushes Dumbo, and yells in his ear. When his mom tries to defend her son, she gets locked chained up in a tiny train car in isolation. The movie is about the circus, and kinda some of the shittiness of being in a circus. It’s not a huge theme throughout, but I think it’s there, the unfair treatment of circuses. It’s just not particularly relevant in our society, I think. Maybe I’m out of touch, though. Maybe circuses are hugely relevant somewhere. I don’t fucking know.

Then Dumbo meets this mouse with a Brooklyn [?] accent. Some kind of accent. He scares off those bitchy lady elephants and befriends Dumbo. He accepts Dumbo for who he is and encourages him. He’s a pretty good character. He kinda plays a similar role to Jiminy Cricket in Pinocchio, but Jiminy was way better at it. Speaking of Pinocchio, that had over twice the budget of Dumbo, and it shows. Dumbo just doesn’t have the richness, the depth, or the artistic quality. It’s simpler in every way. It’s not bad, but it’s not anything incredible.

There’s a scene where Dumbo visits his mom when she’s locked up, and it’s kind of emotional. They show all the other animals with their mothers, but Dumbo can’t really visit her. She’s still locked up. It’s sad. But, you know, the characters are just kinda okay, so it definitely could’ve been an even better scene with more budget and a longer movie.

The best scene, of course, is the “Pink Elephants on Parade” song. Dumbo and the mouse guy kinda accidentally get drunk, and Dumbo hallucinates, for some reason. This scene is so ahead of its time. It’s so psychedelic, you’d think it would be from 1967, but it’s from 1941!

When Dumbo and the mouse guy wake up, they’re greeted by a group of crows. These crows are obviously meant to represent African-Americans, and to me it seems really racially insensitive. But, looking at the Wikipedia, I guess there’s some debate about it. I’m not really the one to have the final authority on the matter at all.

But they give Dumbo a “magic feather,” which allows him to fly. In the end, he loses the feather, but he can still fly, so he realizes it was really just him all along! And it was his ears, which had caused him such anguish earlier, that allowed him to fly! It’s a movie about loving yourself, kind of. A lot of us have our own “big ears” that we have to accept of ourselves. 

This movie could’ve really used a villain. There’s a few asshole characters, but if they had developed the ringleader as a true villain, that would’ve made it a lot better. Oh well, can’t change it now!

High Movie Review #003: Fantasia

Fantasia was released in 1940. It’s not really like any other movie [except Fantasia 2000]. But like, for sixty years, there was no other movie like this. It’s like a concert of sound, of sight, and of imagination. It’s pleasure for the ears, the eyes, and the mind. 

It starts with the Toccata and Fugue in D Minor, which was composed by Johann Sebastian Bach for the organ, but in this movie it’s arranged for the orchestra. At first we see the musicians, and looking back, it would’ve been better for them to just start animation right away. I guess they were trying to like slowly lead the audience into the idea of a Fantasia movie, and they thought that jumping straight into just animation and music may have been a bit jarring, and showing the band play would indicate that this movie is going to be kind of a concert. I get it, but they should’ve just done all animation, the whole time. I’d actually prefer to watch this movie with just section after section, with no introductions or fillers. But that’s not the way it is. There’s little monologues between sections. Eh. Just get rid of those.

Then we go into the Nutcracker music. And I like the Nutcracker music. The art is beautiful, and each subsection has its own feel, there’s fairies and leaves and mushrooms and fish. Beautiful. They say Tchaikovsky hated his own Nutcracker music.. what a moron! It’s great music! I’m smarter than him!

After that is the section that has the most story: The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, starring Mickey Mouse. You know Mickey Mouse, don’t you? The ruler of Earth’s media machine. The tyrant who commodifies happiness, squeezing every bit of nostalgia out of you. No longer concerned with creating artistic masterpieces, they simply rehash old ideas to be consumed by the masses. They pump out movie after movie from the franchises they’ve bought, raking in billions. This scene is so much fun. Mickey gets arrogant with his magician’s skills and tries to take a shortcut, enchanting the brooms to do his hard work, so he can relax in luxury. But it backfires. There’s a certain magical flair to this scene, with Mickey making the stars shine in the sky and the waves crash into the mountain. 

Like many of the early Disney movies, Fantasia is racist. It’s not racist throughout the entirety of its runtime, but there is a disgustingly racist scene, which has been removed from the movie in re-releases. I think that’s a good decision. I mean, I’m just a white guy, so I’m not the person to make those kinds of decisions. But, you know, it’s a movie that existed, and it had a very racist caricature of a black person in it, and it’s important to recognize racism’s impact and influence in the history of cinema, such that we can work towards a better present and future in film. And perhaps with Fantasia it’s best to acknowledge it, decry it, then remove that particular scene and keep re-releasing the movie. It’s a short scene, it’s easy to remove, and the rest is a great movie, and you know, maybe a black kid would watch this movie and love it, and start to get interested in animation or art or classical music. It’d be a shame to remove that possibility altogether. Probably good to approach it as a case-by-case thing. Like, it’s probably a good idea to not re-release Song of the South at all. 

Anyway, the Beethoven/Greek mythology scene makes me feel like I’m a beautiful creature with clear skin and no joint pain. I’m frolicking around joyously without a care in the world. And I’m eating a juicy, refreshing apple. And there’s other smiling, frolicking people around. And I splash around in a river playfully. And I lie in the grass, the sun shining down on my skin. You know that feeling? When you’re at the pool or the beach or the lake, and you swim a bit, and it’s refreshing, then you get out and just lounge in the sun. That feeling when the sun warms you up. It doesn’t burn you, it warms you. It feels good to be alive, to be able to feel the warmth of the sun on your skin that’s full of life! That’s true warmth. Bliss.

That’s how the Pastoral Symphony makes me feel. 

That is, until Zeus shows up, the absolute BASTARD! 

The next section is the Dance of the Hours, by Ponchielli. This is one of the most fun parts. There’s ostriches doing ballet, and eating huge things. There’s these elegant hippos dancing around. There’s these conniving crocodile guys. And the elephants are scared of the crocodiles. It’s a lot of fun.

The NEXT section is the Night on Bald Mountain by Mussorgsky. It’s about Chernabog, who’s kinda like the devil or something. It’s pretty horrifying, and really dark. It’s part of that whole thing, where Disney has the facade of being really sweet and “Wholesome ™” but they have a bunch of really dark, scary scenes. In a way, that’s one of the creepiest things, when something has the illusion of being sweet and innocent, but really it’s sinister and evil! You see it a lot in horror movie trailers and stuff, some little girl singing “Mary had a little lamb” really slow and creepy-like. It’s supposed to be a sweet song that a kid would sing, but now it’s sinister, which makes it extra creepy and scary. 

Some of the animation here doesn’t work well for me. Like, Chernabog is on the mountain, and he’s calling souls to him or whatever, and some are like “ghosts” riding pegasus skeletons. They’re trying to look kind of translucent, but it just kind of comes across as an incomplete sketch:

Disney Readying Iconic Fantasia Scene Live-Action Chernabog | The Mary Sue

Just doesn’t look very good, in my opinion.

The final section is Ave Maria, by Franz Schubert. Such beautiful music. Even if you’re not a religious person, this is just an emotionally powerful piece of music. The slow-paced animation gives us a soothing finale to an epic experience.

But yeah, this is an incredible film. Beautiful animation and beautiful music. And just the concept of this movie is insane. To do this animated film/classical concert was so unlike anything else. It was gutsy, I mean, an animated, epic piece of art, no one had ever done that before. It was risky, cause it could’ve totally sucked! But it was great! If I recall correctly, I think Walt Disney actually wanted to make a bunch of Fantasia movies, that they could be released with some new segments, some old, kind of like a classical concert. Obviously that didn’t happen, and it took 60 years to make another one. Personally, I would love to see more Fantasia-esque movies. Perhaps it’s not a good financial decision to make those movies.