Now I was born on an August Saturday morn’ in 1993
The doctor who delivered me, funnily enough,
was named John Kennedy, that must be tough
Sharing that name with that man
I was over ten pounds at my birth,
made crying sounds my first day on Earth
My older brother, who was learning to spell,
called me “P-I-G”
The insult fell on untrained ears
He was older than me by over than three years
All the same, I couldn’t complain,
I didn’t know how to yet
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The President’s name was Bill,
and he told those folks on Capitol Hill
that he never had relations,
just standard, normal conversations with that intern
And, in turn, Congress let him stay
I didn’t pay any attention
I have no retention
of this period of national tension
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No, my first memory of the world around me,
Family gathered ‘round the TV,
listened to the sound of a newsman speaking
about a thing called Columbine
I didn’t fully understand it,
but two teenagers planned it,
the annihilation of their classmates
They showed their faces, made them famous
Everyone searching for where the blame is
Was it the violent video games?
Or the bullies calling them names
Again and again, this same conversation
These two young boys unleashed a shameful curse on this nation
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I went to school, followed most of the rules
Learned to read and write
My left from my right
Learned about what’s wrong and what’s right
I liked baseball and climbing trees
Lived with ease, it was all a breeze
Occasionally fell and scraped my knees
Til one big fall, and my arm snapped
Then I snapped,
screaming for a past where nothing hurt
My arm in a cast, stretching my shirt
All the other kids signed
Some people are still kind.
Now I remember, on a Tuesday in September,
A lot of my class members got sent home early
Surely this was somethin’, not nothin’
It was a televised mass homicide
Mom would decide we wouldn’t watch TV
I played outside quite happily
By then the President’s name was George
He wanted to forge a new American century
with complete global hegemony,
stronger than any empire in human memory
My parents seemed okay with it
I guess that’s just the way it is
I never heard them weighin’ in
on anything political
____________________
When I turned thirteen, I received an electric guitar
Surely I would go far with this
Started with the twelve-bar blues, then forty licks
I practiced and practiced, playing faster and faster
on that red Stratocaster
I was in a band, and we would stand on stage
Just a few teenagers expressing our rage
I for one thought it was great fun
In school I liked to joke ‘n’ fool around,
Make people laugh off their ass
In class I did well, and the staff
gave me a GPA of three and a half
____________________
Went to the movies with a friend
We sat way at the end
She put her hand in mind
Pressed her lips to mine
I felt a divine sense of euphoria
It was the best thing ever, by then
____________________
In 2008 the money went bad
Don’t you hate the funny system we had?
Too big to fail, but guess what?
They failed, and we bailed them out
Only one single guy ever went to jail
If only those guys had made
760 billion coffees at home
____________________
The new President’s name was Barack
Said he didn’t like the war in Iraq
But let me be clear:
He kept it going for three more years
Just in case
And remember those guys from Citi Group and Chase?
Who fucked up the whole economy?
Now they’re directly running the country
Eh, they kinda always were, anyway
____________________
After eighteen years of “Go to a Christian college,
Go to a Christian college,”
I found myself, predictably, at a Christian college,
I didn’t know how to think for myself just yet
They had a guest speaker
Felt almost like a coronation
for a man who once lied to the United Nations
about anthrax, which led to half a million deaths in Iraq
I guess “thou shalt not kill” was just a recommendation
____________________
One student went around and stalked girls
He walked to their dorm rooms
Knocked on their locked doors
I wasn’t aware of this at the time,
but years later some female friends of mine said
They had informed the school
of his cruel flouting of the rules,
hoping they would perform some discipline or reform
One even warned he’d kill one day
Of course, he did
Perhaps if he had received more than a slap on the wrist
It wouldn’t’ve ended up like this
Anyway, let’s continue to reminisce
____________________
When I was eighteen,
I met someone with the darkest and prettiest eyes
I had ever seen
She was a vegetarian and a humanitarian
I came across as a bit of a contrarian
We wrote each other letters,
and I always felt better when we were together
Plus we liked the same music
A creator and appreciator of art,
She captured my heart, my whole heart, and nothing but my heart
____________________
I studied physics
Wanted to know what was goin’ on
Learned about one or two phenomena
Learned about many situations
Like time dilation
Quantum mechanics and its odd interpretations
This all gave me a sense of consternation
Then the realization that
The universe is under no obligation
To make any sense
____________________
At age twenty, went to the cafeteria to eat
Some guys took the other seats at the table
A young woman walked by,
in a low-cut dress
And this man next to me started to confess
That if a woman wore that outfit
out with him, and didn’t put out, he’d figure out,
on their next time out, how to sneak
a special surprise in her drink
I don’t think he meant something nice,
like more ice, extra sugar, or a bit of spice
He nodded to another woman,
who was dressed a bit more plain
He then explained,
“Some girls are too ugly to even fuck unconscious.”
He seemed bereft of conscience
Some guys laughed, and I left, nauseous
Couple weeks later, you can imagine my surprise
when I realized,
out of all the guys
the woman with the pretty eyes could’ve picked,
It was this very same, disgusting guy
I needed to know why
I recall, that afternoon in the fall,
at Handlebar Coffee
She looked at me as if to scoff at me,
to taunt me and flaunt to me
She looked me square in the face and declared,
she was aware of the terrible things
he’d said and done, but she didn’t care
I just sat and stared. Stunned.
I had never seen someone throw away their morality
with such totality
So much for empathy, so much for humanity
Guess she felt, well,
As long as it’s someone else and not herself, then oh well!
She’s spent the rest of her life exploiting
the people she pretended to be a part of
Guess she really had a heart of stone
I should’ve known
Enough people said as much
Now I freely admit,
I did not handle it well
I was angry and upset, and I fell apart
Didn’t know what to do with a shattered heart
I drank like a fish
Had an unspoken wish
that I’d wake up dead one night
I’d drink and wander along a cliff
Hoping I would stumble and trip, and that would be the end of it
Then it wouldn’t be my fault
Just an accidental fall to the asphalt
How humble of me to think
I could make God fall for this little trick
As if!
Man, I was pathetic,
and not particularly sympathetic
A friend from Wisconsin saved me
Woke up the hopeless, depraved me
For that I’m eternally grateful
Pulled me out of the spiral that was dark and hateful
So I made it out okay
What was that old cliché?
Even a broken heart beats 100,000 times a day?
____________________
Anyway, it called itself a Christian school, a safe space,
but only a fool would call it a moral place
There was another case
A young woman taken advantage of
Without her consent
A truly horrific event
And this meant the case went to the resident advisor
Someone supposedly wiser
But you know what?
She was spineless
It was that timeless, complete bullshit
He was an athlete
We can’t take everything away from him
just because of one mistake
Plus, our school’s reputation is at stake
After all, boys will be boys, for goodness’ sake
What annoys me is how
Often the person bringing up the crime
Is treated as the one inventing it
And those tasked with duty of preventing it
Always seem to be circumventing it
Looking back, that place was all outta whack
They’d throw you out for a loving, consensual act
But when people were actually attacked,
They’d cover their eyes, plug their ears, turn their back
____________________
I found myself with a girlfriend not long after
We made each other burst into laughter
She was funny and sweet as honey
And she looked so pretty as we explored the city
Voice of an angel, and I’m grateful
We had our time together
She took me by the hand, you understand,
and made me, well, happy
We fell in love fast
But it wasn’t made to last
What did that one Beatle say?
All things must pass?
Wish her all the best
Stay blessed
____________________
There was a new candidate on the TV,
bragging about grabbing women by the pussy
A large swath of the country said,
“Yep, that’s the guy for me!”
I felt a sudden twinge of familiarity
So the President’s name was Donald J.
And if I wanted to say
all his scandals and crimes,
and to do it with rhymes,
why, that’d be five times as long as the book of Psalms!
____________________
Wasn’t sure what to do
So I started driving a cab
On my first day as a driver,
my friend became a survivor
of the deadliest mass shooting in US history
That one was a mystery
I was shocked at how freely people talked
from the back seat, about how much they cheat
on their partners, wives, and husbands
Now look, in my free time I wrote a couple books
Sold a fair few at a fair price
One was just me giving advice
on how people could be a bit more nice
It was a bit stupid and concise,
But I guess it sufficed for a first try
The next one’ll be better and brighter
What did that other Beatle say?
I wanna be a paperback writer?
I theorized and criticized
One of the days I’m gonna get organiz-ized!
____________________
Now listen here,
I can’t remember the month or year,
But I was playing a sport that takes place on a court
The ball bounced, and I pounced,
reaching out to block it
Collided with an opponent
Shoulder ripped out of its socket
Occasionally that shoulder still brings me pain,
even as I’ve gotten older
Now I’m attuned to the rain
I thought time was supposed to heal all wounds?
____________________
I felt it might be time to grow up,
get a “real job,” work out, have some kind of glow up
Had an interview, got the job, and decided to show up
Great big job at a great big company
[made me a decent amount of money]
Won’t say the name, but it was owned by a gecko
With all those claims, I was forced to let go
of my humanity
Treat people as numbers and policy.
It was my job to advise,
but when I realized we were the bad guys,
I quit
You can still do that, you know.
____________________
Thought about becoming a pilot
Took a few lessons just to try it
Though I absolutely loved flying around,
I didn’t have a hundred grand just lying around
Plus I was reading about climate change
Thought that I might change my path in life
It may have been financially foolish,
but I decided to go back to school,
this time studying the environment
Started writing about it
Going to protests and fighting about it
Making cocktails and igniting…
Oh wait, I shouldn’t be highlighting that
____________________
I heard of another person of increasing fame
So now let’s play a little game
Here’s a riddle, guess my name:
Popular island that no one’s been to
Troves of files that you can’t look into
I travel the world to every location
A billion dollars but no vocation
I know every single celebrity
But not a single one knows me
Friends with presidents, princes, actors
I consider myself a science benefactor
I have dozens of clients, but none of them exist
Some nice little flight logs, but no other list
I have the power to make guards fall asleep
I can force cameras to stop, without making a peep
I can edit video in Adobe Premiere
Several years since I’ve disappeared
I left this world in twenty-nineteen
You guessed it, Henry Eckstein!
____________________
Got working in the algae field
And what appealed to me was how
There was now a sense in my heart of satisfaction
No longer on the fence, but doing my part, taking action
Reducing methane emissions
That’s a noble mission, if you ask my position
Not that anyone would
I think it should be a global ambition
I loved it
Hard workin’, sun burnin’
All these hands-on skills I’m learnin’
But I was yearnin’ for another adventure after a while,
Plus I felt the U.S. was quite vile,
so I figured I’ll sell all my things
and move five thousand miles to the Emerald Isle
A new life with a new lifestyle
____________________
As I was preparing to go,
the new President’s name was Joe
He never seemed to know
what the hell was going on
The U.S. Presidency, as an institution,
as if by some demented resolution
as predictable as Newton’s laws of motion,
always gives arms and ammunition
to the state of Israel
No matter its use for persecution or execution
Might as well be written in the Constitution:
“the right of Israel to receive U.S. munitions
shall not be infringed”
Zionism is deeply unhinged
____________________
Before I leave town for the Land of Saints and Scholars
Let’s take a trip down memory lane and ponder
I’ve gone around this country where I could
The bad and the good
North, south, east, and west
Some of the natural beauty was just the best
Like the Grand Canyon and General Grant
I can’t believe my eyes at the size of that tree
In Tennessee, went rafting along the river
Popped over to Elvis’s house for dinner
He wasn’t there
Just left the building
Before getting stuck in a snowstorm,
I saw the Colorado Rockies in both its forms
The mountains left me awestruck
But the team sure did suck
I’m a wanderer at heart
Always looking for a fresh start
Been accused of acting mysterious,
I just think life is unbearably serious
Camped around, near and far
Slept under the stars when it was pretty
Went to plenty of bars in the big cities
____________________
You might think I’m a misanthrope
But nope,
I’m filled and fueled by hope
One oughtta be,
And I really gotta be
It’s a life or death matter
I choose life, not the latter
But the state of the world is a bit subjective
What did that other Beatle say?
Society’s run by insane people for insane objectives?
____________________
Now I’m in Dublin
Inspired, new writing ideas bubblin’
Love the country
Its culture, people, and history
Not to mention the whiskey
Forklift driving, whiskey pouring, seaweed farming
Some people say it’s a bit alarming,
the way I live my life
No kids, no wife
But I feel better and freer than ever before
What’s more…
Never believed the key to be happy
was found in a show that was a bit crappy
It was on TV in the nineteen sixties
They said, “Farm livin’ is the life for me!”
Love helping with food security
And trying to do it sustainably
So serene to not be stuck behind a computer screen
You know what I mean?
____________________
If I can use the word,
I’ve been seeing this new bird,
and she might be the one,
if there is such a thing
Such joy, such fun
I’ll let you know how far we’ve run
Some time in two thousand fifty-one
____________________
Not sure why I started to recount the years
I suppose one of my fears
is that, in fifty years, I’ll be old,
with weak eyes and half-deaf ears
My memory won’t be quite clear
So I’ll just leave this here
____________________
I’ve had my share of friends, enemies, and lovers
One or two have been all three, at one time or another
I think I’ll be all right,
Long as I’ve got a pencil, paper, and something to write
The only thing I miss from the U.S.A.?
Fahrenheit.
What did the final Beatle say?
Now it’s time to say good night.
Lefty Forrester 