So recently an event called the Met Gala happened. Well, not recently, but it was recent when I started writing this. Then I took a long break and moved to another continent. They call it the Met Gala, but I don’t think I ever see, you know, Tom Seaver there. Or Darryl Strawberry. Definitely not Mike Piazza. I don’t know how it can be the Met Gala without those guys, but I digress.
The Met Gala is a special event where celebrities come together and wear the stupidest things that humanity could possibly imagine. And they all get together and talk about how amazing they all are for being celebrities and attending this celebrity event for celebrities. And the rest of us are meant to watch admiringly from behind an invisible [though incredibly strict] societal barrier between us and them. Because they are our superiors. And we must honor them.
In reality, though, they’re all just out-of-touch, phony people who are completely full of themselves. Phoniness, out-of-touchness, and full-of-onselfness are bad qualities, no matter who has those qualities, and celebrities have them in abundance. Except Brie Larson. She’s cool. I can just tell, somehow. She’s chill, she’s pretty, and if she ever felt inclined to go out with me, I think that would be a pretty cool thing. Maybe we could even go to the next Met Gala together.
But hey, it’s possible that I’m being a bit too harsh on the celebrities. They can’t all be all that bad all the time. I’m sure some celebrities (like Brie Larson, for example) are very nice people. If you saw them, you’d say “Hello there,” and they’d say “Nice weather we’re having!” or something along those lines. That’s pretty nice. Some are nice, fine, but many have those aforementioned bad qualities. Qualities that you wouldn’t like in a “regular” person, whatever that means.
And it seems like celebrities are just getting worse and worse, doesn’t it? In the 20th century, there was at least a general sense of merit. Babe Ruth was so famous because he was good at hitting home runs. Marlon Brando was good at acting. Michael Jackson was good at making music, and so on. We still have some of those. People are still good at hitting home runs and acting and making music. But we also have celebrities who don’t seem to do anything, as far as I can tell. Social media influencers and socialites and whatever other terms they use. Famous for being famous. And, admittedly, we did have that before with people like Zsa Zsa Gabor. She was kinda famous for being famous, but the level of fame and the commonality of the “famous for being famous” phenomenon is so much greater in the 21st century. 5 of the top 20 most followed people on Instagram are famous for being famous [by my understanding of the phrase (and in my personal opinion)].
Not only all of that, but they’re also consuming us off the proverbial cliff. Celebrities are unsustainable, that’s what I mean. Their countless vacations with private jets, their giant mansions, huge swimming pools, car collections, almost everything they do is just horrible for the environment. They’re just so bad. I mean, if you were an interplanetary consultant, and you came to Earth to analyze its climate problems, you’d quickly say, “First off, you gotta get rid of these fossil fuel companies and their lobbyists, they’re just the worst.” Then the second thing you’d say is, “Man, these celebrities are really fucking it all up. Definitely get rid of those people. Not Brie Larson, though, her smile alone could light up a city.”
Okay, so I’ve been pretty critical of the celebrities so far. Let me advocate on their behalf for a quick second. I don’t think celebrities should be gawked at or harassed or stalked or anything like that. If a celebrity wants to enjoy a cappuccino at an outdoor cafe, they should be able to do so in peace. If you’re walking by, you shouldn’t stare at them or bother them. Unless the person walking by is me and the person enjoying the cappuccino is Brie Larson. In that case, I will walk up to her and chat her up. That wouldn’t even be bothering her, it would just be a great moment for us.
People shouldn’t take photos or videos of celebrities when they’re out and about. And those photos get on the covers of Star and People and Us magazines, and that’s supposed to be important somehow. If you’re a paparazzi photographer, you should go home and rethink your life, but you probably won’t.
Don’t mistreat them, that’s the basic point.
So celebrities are bad, and they should be criticized for their harmful behavior and mistakes [Brie Larson never makes any] but we shouldn’t be horrible to them for idiotic reasons. We shouldn’t stalk them. We shouldn’t obsess over them. We shouldn’t concern ourselves over their dating lives [well, in Brie Larson’s case, I think we can all agree that she should date me.]
Nothing that I’ve said is particularly groundbreaking or profound or insightful. In fact, I think most people would agree that we shouldn’t care too much about celebrities. I’ve never heard anyone say, “You know what would be good for me personally and for society as a whole? It’d be good to become really obsessed with celebrities. That should be the main focal point of life. Let’s do that.” There doesn’t exist a single person who believes that celebrity obsession and celebrity worship should dominate our lives. Yet, celebrity obsession abounds…
Our obsession with celebrities’ dating/personal lives is particularly pointless. Hot/successful/famous/ talented people will date and have sex with other hot/successful/famous/talented people. Why is this treated as crazy gossip? It’s so unbearably obvious. Oh, the sexy actor is dating the sexy actress? I’m so shocked! The dating lives of celebrities should be of no interest to anyone else, except me and Brie Larson. That’s different. I actually have strong feelings for her cause I basically know her, and we would definitely have a special connection, okay? Brie and I get each other.
Society’s celebrity obsession [that I’m not a part of] creates a horrible series of events. As our society becomes more obsessed with celebrities, the result is that more and more people feel a stronger and stronger desire to become celebrities. Celebrity wannabes resort to more and more stupid/pointless methods of becoming celebrities. So celebrities, as a whole, become even more stupid and pointless than they already were. Wanting to be a singer or an actor is okay. Those are fine, creative pursuits, but the desire to just be a celebrity is a waste.
With the proliferation of social media, celebrities are more inclined to share their support for various socio-political causes and their opinions on various current issues. That’s not entirely new, but it’s more common now than ever. Before, you had to play a big concert just to say, “Hey, maybe the U.S. shouldn’t kill innocent people in Iraq,” but now celebrities can just whip out a cell phone, type 140 characters, and broadcast their opinions to millions of people. Why do they do this? There are multiple reasons. There’s some pressure to do so. A lot of people, for some reason, feel that their favorite celebrities are obligated to voice their opinion on modern issues and conflicts. Some celebrities recognize that it’s good for their personal brand to be seen as a socially conscious person. So even though they don’t know much about any issue, they’ll take an easy stance to support black people or gay people or the environment or something like that. And some celebrities do educate themselves and do feel compelled to lend their support to a certain cause. Often there’s a combination of reasons.
But for the most part, why would we give a single shit? Some of these issues are very important, so why would we look to an actor’s opinion to help formulate our own opinion? Unless that actor is Brie Larson; she so eloquently sheds light on social issues. It’s so beautiful. But maybe we’re not basing our opinions on what celebrities say, maybe we just want them to express good views on current events. Why? I mean, sure, it’s great when actors are good people. I want actors to be good people. I want my mailman and bartender to be good people, but I don’t expect them to give me their beliefs on the Russia-Ukraine war. They might even have shitty opinions on it; it wouldn’t change the actual ensuing events of the war.
Alas, the reality of fame, though. As much as I don’t like it, people pay attention to celebrities’ opinions. Taylor Swift tells people to register to vote, and the vote.org sees a big upsurge in voter registration. So maybe they should use their fame to promote good causes? And if I become a famous but elusive writer, will I feel the moral obligation to give my opinions on wars [they’re bad]? Is it true that celebrities are obligated to use their platform and influence to raise awareness and support change on important issues, despite how stupid that arrangement is? I think the question of whether famous people should speak out on issues is a question for undergraduate philosophy students to discuss in their ethics class. That question is not the point of this post.
The point of this post is to encourage non-celebrities [like myself] to stop caring about celebrities because it’s stupid and pointless. Stop caring about celebrities’ personal lives, their homes, the clothes they wear, the restaurants they frequent, the people they date, and so on. I’m not saying you can’t enjoy their art. That part is great, enjoy as much art as possible. Just stop concerning yourselves with celebrities as people. From this day forward, I will stop caring about celebrities. There’s one exception, though, which is Brie Larson, because I love her.
One more thing: the whole pointless game of celebrity obsession is given away by the fact that celebrities are often mistaken for other celebrities. A person sees a celebrity, recognizes that the person is famous, but doesn’t really know who it is, but they’re excited to see and talk to them, so they guess the celebrity’s name, and they guess wrong. A person sees a person and thinks, “hey that’s an actor! That’s Elijah Wood, isn’t it? I’m gonna say ‘hi’ to him and tell him I loved the Lord of the Rings.” Then Daniel Radcliffe replies politely, says thank you, and maybe even poses for a picture with the other person. This happens with a lot of actors and actresses. If you can’t really recognize them, then you’re probably not a huge fan of their work, and if you’re not a huge fan of their work, then why is it exciting to meet them?
Lefty Forrester 