We know ourselves, more or less. I know my height and weight and my birthday. I also know that it takes me some time to get comfortable with people, to come out of my shell. Then there are characteristics that are less concrete, less knowable. These might come up when a potential employer weirdly asks, “How would your friends describe you?” Well, I think my friends would say that I’m an introspective person, and I would agree that I’m an introspective person, but can I really know that about myself? Hmm, I probably need to do some more introspection about that.
My friends might also say that I am a person with a variety of interests. And I am. Some might call me a “Jack of all trades,” which is apparently an Elizabethan-era phrase. That’s Elizabeth the First, not Elizabeth the Second, who recently died. Even Elizabeth the First wasn’t the first Elizabeth who ever was. She was just the first Elizabeth who happened to also be the Queen of England.
Oh, here’s another interesting thing: apparently the “master of none,” part of that aforementioned phrase came centuries later. I guess someone was getting tired of all these cocky all-trades Jack’s, so they put those Jack’s in their place. But then get this: a few hundred years after the “Jack of all trades, master of none,” phrase was popularized, some Jack’s got together and added “but oftentimes better than master of one,” to the end of it. I love it. It’s a centuries-old argument between masters [of one] and Jack’s [of all trades].
That’s how my adult life has felt, a battle between my natural interest in a variety of things and my desire to focus on one thing and give it my all. For some reason [hopefully we’ll explore that reason] I have this belief that the passionate dedication to one thing is better than a collection of interests, passing from one to the next every few months. Part of this belief [I believe] comes from a simple gut feeling. It’s a straight-talkin,’ pragmatic approach to life. It’s saying to myself, “You got one life, so pick something you like and try to get good at it.”
And that brings me to the second part of my reason desiring the master lifestyle over the Jack lifestyle. Life is not just finite, it’s short. It’s eighty years, give or take, if you’re lucky. And for several years you’re either too old or too young to fully engage in these interests. If I lived for 10,000 years [which probably won’t happen], this wouldn’t be such a problem. I could take 100 years to read, 500 to write, 50 years to make my body as athletic as possible. I could make films and cycle all over the place and travel and grow plants and I could spend 100 years making bullshit videos on YouTube.
But that’s not gonna happen. So the shortness of life applies pressure on a person. That’s not exactly profound or new. And the master lifestyle doesn’t necessarily follow from the shortness-of-life pressure. Some people feel that same pressure, which leads them to try to engage in as many different things as they can. Same pressure, different reactions.
I think another part of my preference for the master lifestyle is that it can give me a stronger sense of purpose. It’s this incredible feeling of “I am ____, I love ____, and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop me from doing ____.” It’s very purposeful. I feel vitalized when I throw myself into one thing. It’s invigorating. It’s motivating. And I’ve learned from experience that the Jack lifestyle doesn’t really work. It’s not satisfying, it’s not as fulfilling, and it leaves me feeling stretched too much. But the Jack lifestyle consistently returns to encroach upon the Master lifestyle.
So these lifestyles are in tension, and it feels like a fundamental conflict between who I am and who I want to be. It’s this lifelong question: how much do I embrace who I naturally seem to be, and how much do I force myself to live a different way for some greater “cause,” for lack of a better word. I’m lacking a better word right now. A better word is out there, I’m just lacking it right now.
Anyway, what does this look like? I’m going about my day-to-day life, and the Jack lifestyle starts creeping in. It doesn’t take over immediately. It’s just like, “Hey, maybe I should practice the guitar, and learn this Led Zeppelin song. Oh, maybe I should write a new song. Then I also should record one of the older songs I wrote. I need to get better at recording.” It’s all very exciting, but all of that is happening at the same time that I’m trying to be a writer, working on short stories and a novel. And then oh, there’s some environmentalist volunteer opportunities, let’s be a super-involved, well-connected activist. But I just got this old film camera as a gift, let’s become a photographer. I’ll ride my bike everywhere and go on hikes and take photographs. But I also have the blog and want a better job and I want to work on my body and get better at building things and read all the books and become a speedrunner and post political videos online. Aaahhh!!!
That happens sometimes. It’s happening now. It has happened several times before to varying degrees. Sometimes it gets really serious and existential and then identity crises occur. Usually what I do is I take a long, contemplative walk/hike, and I listen to some contemplative music, and I contemplate. And when I’m done, I feel good. I feel a renewed sense of focus, a renewed sense of drive for that one passion of mine. The master lifestyle prevails, end of story.
Until next time! There always seems to be a next time. It’s like Spider-Man and the Green Goblin, they’ll always find a way to battle again, til the end of time. It’s as the Green Goblin said in Spider-Man (2002): “again and again and again until we’re both dead!” Thus, the Jack and Master lifestyles will duel it out for my whole life.
The Jack lifestyle’s been kicking the Master’s ass recently. I’ve been bouncing all over the fuckin’ place. All these different interests that I’ve mentioned, plus more that I haven’t mentioned, plus finishing school, plus these new ideas that come in my head. Like here’s one: Tom Delong [Blink-182] has a strange sounding voice. I find myself imitating him when I’m singing along to other famous songs, and so I think, “wouldn’t it be fun to make a fake Blink-182 cover band?” Not a band that covers Blink-182 songs, but a band that’s pretending to be Blink-182 covering other bands’ songs. It’s a funny idea, but it would take a lot of time to make it good, so I have to throw that idea in the trash because it’s taking too much away from what I want to do. Sounds dramatic over a stupid fucking idea, but that’s just one fuckin example.
So I’ll soon take a long walk and become once again dedicated to my lifelong pursuit of being the best writer I possibly can. Problem solved. But there’s actually a couple more problems that I want to explore briefly before we close for the day. First problem is this: when I come to the profound conclusion that pursuing a writer lifestyle is what I want to do, that conclusion doesn’t determine how I go about it. Do I work on this blog? Do I finish a novel? Do I write short stories? Do I self-publish or try to get published the old fashioned way? Do I keep writing random letters and leaving them in random places for random people? I still need to function, biologically speaking, so how much do I focus on a healthy diet and exercise and good sleep and whatnot? But hey, I’m willing to face those challenging questions.
The second problem is this: sometimes you can “lose” in your pursuit. What I’ve been talking about is artistic pursuits, for the most part. I can work on writing every day from today until the day I die. I may not achieve the level of success [commercially and artistically] that I want, but I can always continue. I’ll always write. But not everything is like that. If your number one passion is to be an olympic gymnast, there’s a fairly short window in which you can accomplish that. And if you don’t, well, that’s that. You can’t exactly strive for being an olympic gymnast from age 30 to 80. You can still live a good life, obviously.
I’ve been talking about the “Master” lifestyle as a life of achieving greatness in a particular field, like writing, painting, or tennis. But I’m more so talking about the dedication of putting your all into one thing. That could be something like love. You may love someone more than anything, and want to love them, and you want to put all that you have into showing your love for them. But then they don’t love you back. So you’re completely lost at that point. That can happen, I’m told, so watch out for that.
Lefty Forrester 