WARNING: Descriptions of explicit sexual acts
On June 17th, 1972, five men were arrested at the Watergate complex in Washington D.C. for burglary. The five men were attempting to plant various listening/recording devices in the building. Oh! It’s important to note: the building was the location of the Democratic National Committee Headquarters. Wow, that sounds important.
The five men were named Virgilio Gonzalez, James McCord, Bernard Barker, Frank Sturgis, and Eugenio Martinez. McCord had been a CIA officer, and they were all part of the anti-[Fidel] Castro movement. So, you know, a former CIA officer [only recently resigned] breaking into a political party’s headquarters with recording devices and cameras?? Kind of a big deal. Kinda sketch, to be perfectly frank.
Strange things began to happen and the story turned into a scandal. White House counsel John Dean basically told Congress that Nixon was criminally involved. White House Chief of Staff Haldeman and Domestic Affairs Advisor Ehrlichman both resigned on the same day. There were reports of White House tape recordings which [might] implicate high-ranking officials and [maybe] Richard Nixon himself. And there was also the “Saturday Night Massacre,” when Nixon ordered Attorney General Elliot Richardson to fire the special prosecutor Archibald Cox [in charge of investigating the scandal]. Richardson resigned in protest. Nixon then ordered Deputy Attorney General William Ruckelshaus to fire Archibald Cox. Ruckelshaus refused and also resigned. Nixon then ordered the acting head of the Justice Department, Robert Bork, to fire Archibald Cox. Bork obeyed the order, meaning that Nixon basically fired the man who was responsible for investigating him.
Lotsa shady shit, I’d say. That’s why it’s called a “scandal” and considered one of the biggest political scandals in U.S. history. That’s why all these other scandals are called “______gate.” Deflategate, Bountygate, Gamergate, Pizzagate.. well that one is made up nonsense.
Anyway, during the Watergate scandal, there were these two reporters that worked at The Washington Post. Their names are Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein, and they’re the main guys reporting the dirty details of this evolving story, especially at the beginning. It was a “juicy” story, as reporters weirdly say. Woodward and Bernstein obtained their information from a mysterious, unknown whistleblower. A man in the shadows. And that added to the intrigue of the story.
But they couldn’t call him “unknown-mysterious-whistleblower-guy” every time. They needed to give him a code name. The name that they chose, with their own adult brains, was “Deep Throat.” Deep Throat, as in the sexual act of putting someone’s penis in your mouth as far as you can and sucking it, was the name of their source. Biggest news story of the decade and they’re like “Yeah our source’s name is Deep Throat,” and everyone read about it, talked about it, heard about it, knew about Deep Throat.
That’s just so fucking funny to me. Like they could have called him John Doe or Mr. X or literally anything, and they decided to name him Depp Throat and then tell everyone that name. Everyone knew Deep Throat. People talked about it casually. My DAD has mentioned Deep Throat to me when we were talking about U.S. history. The biggest scandal in U.S. Presidential history and they decide to call their informant Deep Throat. So funny.
How’d that conversation go?
Woodward: “Hey Carl, we’re following the biggest story of our lives, and I know this whistleblower, what should we call him?
Bernstein [horny AF]: “Uhh, how about Deep Throat?”
Woodward: ..
Imagine if something like that happened today. If, let’s say, during one of Trump’s impeachments, there’s a big investigation and there’s all this shady government shit going on. And then an insider turns on the administration and starts leaking important information. Their code name, it turns out, is “Rimjob,” and everyone’s talking about this mysterious person called Rimjob. And people would be at work talking about Rimjob this, Rimjob that, Rimjob is saving democracy. It would be hilarious. Pandemonium would ensue. The memes would be poppin, as they say.
The absolute comedy of Deep Throat!
Lefty Forrester 